Heart stop pouncing....

Siting in T.3 TCC...
My heart suddenly stop pouncing....
I gone into shocked...
Found myself in a dramatic stage..

Siting infront of me...this guy..who I used to have crush on..6-7years back before I introduce him to my buddy.....He used to be a very charming and trendy guy when I first knew him....Now..he has put on weight...dressed like a 'honest-looking' man...with a face which seems so tired....
I was shocked at the tremendous change on him...since we have not meet up for 5-6years....

The next thing which happen at this same moment...nearly made me faint....
THERE my ex-bf Keynes, whom I almost married few years back...he was just standing outside TCC walking here and there outside TCC...
My heart nearly fell out...and first thing that comes to me is "OH......GOD...!!! U MUST BE JOKING!!!! AHHH....." (can u imagine my situation just now...???)

Infront of me..an old crush..who has changed so tremendously...and behind me...my ex-bf whom I almost married...and we broke off durin our loving moments...cuz his mum doesnt want him to be converted to Christian..when I wanted to hold a church wedding.

Then I told God..God..pls dun let me see 'B-angel' at this time with his gf..if not I will black-out immediately....
And God is merciful..at least B-angel din pop up at the same time..
Phew..

Not knowing what to do...I quickly turned my head towards the other direction hoping that Keynes doesn't see me..
I can sense he probably did see me..before I saw him...cuz I looked from the reflection...seeing if he is still around...
he was walking a few steps up and down....but he wasn't coming into TCC for a drink..

Thereafter, I saw from the reflection..that he walked farther away...and then I watched him as he walked further and further..and then...
finally I saw him meeting up with his wife pushing a trolley..their child..walking towards the lift and then gone..
I wanted very much to see how his wife looks like...only sees her figure...can't see the face...
He married this lady, from China 1-2 years after we broke off..
and just had their first child 1 year ago..

He was wearing a bright orange polo t-shirt and 3/4 pants which looks like the one my mum bought for him many years back when we were still together..

This is the first time I saw him since he got a new gf then..
I still have a familiar feeling when I watched him...
I guess he might have also sense my presence thats why he was outside TCC behind me..for nothing...

I should have walked up and say hi to him..esp when I am well-dressed in my new image today...

Oh...wow...what an interesting...thrilling night...

p.s. However, looking at the sight of Keynes, his wife and his child now..makes me feel happy for him. Good to see this man who I was deeply in love with to be happily married now. Esp when I was the one who ended our relationship, knowing that it will not work out due to the important difference in our life. Life goes on...
One day...the right one will come for me as well... :)

A walk outside the Crystal Ball

All of us live inside a crystal ball known as the world.

God sent me an angel today.
This angel brought me to tour around and showed me the beauty of life.

He saw the weight I was carrying on myself..Despite him being sick..He brought me outside to look into this crystal ball of mine..
Suddenly..I found myself..breathing again...
"I can breath!!!" "Wow!!!"

Things looks much clearer when I see from the outside of my crystal ball.
I am no longer trapped by the many "WHY?" of my world, as I started to see from all the different perspective of life.
I no longer focuz on the tinni tiny..things in my life.

I started to understand that people change according to their needs in life.
They need not apologise for their changes to anyone nor do they need to give explaination of their changes.
Such decision or act should be understood, accepted and respected.
We live for ourselves and not for others.

Neither do we have to compromise to others and remain the same at all times.
After all its OUR needs and happiness not OTHERS.
We all change according to our needs in life..
No one will remains the same forever...
Thus, we should not expect others not to change for our sake.
People change...Love change...everything in this world changes as days go by..

I also learned that when we don't hold expectation on others..we will find true happiness...
Expectation comes with disappointment...in a package.
Without expectation...rewards or returns becomes a bonus and bring Happiness to us.

We cannot enforce things on others...cuz in the end..you will only realised that...nothing in this world can really be in our total control...
Yes, even if others will do what pleases you...but deep down in your heart..you know the answer...and are you really happy with it???

However, we should do our best and leave the rest to God...the rewards will be yours in due time...(maybe now..maybe...someday in heaven..)

This angel show me that I should be courageous to face the fact for things which has happened, instead of avoiding it. I should face it with a smile, esp when I know I have put in my best and I am not at fault. I have done my best..and I should give myself a pat on my shoulders..and say.."Well done Angeline, you have done your best. Even if the result isn't what you hope for or expectated..but you know you did your best. Leave the rest to God. Whatever that has happened..Happens for a very good reason behind it. And its for your interest that you must know."

Yes, I should give myself the benefit of doubt instead of blaming myself...and at the same time learn from this experience so as to avoid carrying out the same actions or decisions in a similar situation in the future.

Thank you 'angel'- you know who you are..God will give you your reward in due time I believe.
Thanks for this wonderful and meaningful trip.

Indeed sometimes, we really need to take a break and step out of our crystal ball ,look into this world which we are living to see things clearer and appreciate the beauty of life..

I thank God..that now...I can lift up my head smiling, saying "I AM FREE!!!"

Now, I will not longer avoid the problem..but to face my past with a smile and appreciate the good times I have..all the wonderful things in the past which God has given me...

You are right my angel.."At the end of the day, only I can make myself Happy :)"

Cheers Everyone!!!

Thanks-giving again, Joyce??? Yes, there is plenty of things in life which we can give thanks to God for...

I praise and thank the Lord God Almighty...of Heaven & Earth, Our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ..for the many blessings He showers upon me..each and every day of my life...esp..with all these 'angels' and wonderful people and things around me.

Thanks for the lessons and sketches of life...
Thanks for teaching me to dance with all these sketches of life..
I may not be a good dancer...but one day..I will dance in the mansion of the King of Kings!
Praise and glory to God forever!!!
Amen!

Job Opportunity

This morning recieved an email from my past Childcare supervisor... my God-mother..
telling me that they have a vacancy for student care supervisor ...
must be a christian...and best with primary school system knowledge..

I told her....presently working and studying for my degree...I think this vacancy is not suitable for me...plus tho I have experience with teaching ...but not really supervising..or running a centre..and no paper qualification..except the basic one with I got when I first started...
I have no time to do another study even if they were to engage my service..
Sad huh..
I guess she saw the word...must have passion...
which obviously I have..thats what makes she think of me...hee

Well...still thankful that people remembers me...
I am very thankful as mentioned to my classmates....
I never really had to look for jobs...
jobs are always ready for me whenever its time to go for another...

Frankly speaking...I did have many job offers..thats why always bothers Billy whenever I got stuck in wanting or not to accept...
tried to resign many times from my present job but still....
too soft-hearted...and stayed on...

The latest offer was from my Ex-Design school principal who offers me a Manager positions to help him manage 3 or in fact 4 companies...
its a great challenge...but you might say I am silly...
after making poor him waited for me for few months...I had to turn him down at the end...he knows my devotion in things I do and my devotion to God and my company..
so he forgive me and say its alright...
Thanks Michael..

I am always blessed in this aspect of life...
never had to worry about jobs..

I thank God for the opportunity to work in many different lines..from wholesale, retail...to banking...to teaching...and to designing......wow...
life is really interesting..when you get to try many different things and discover which is your best area....
for me...well...
I like my present job...as it allows me to interact with customers...do quotations...deal with dealers/suppliers...working front line...do printing and designing....teaching....hmm...a little....and Marketing as well...
but nothing in this world is perfect..

There are always good times and bad times...
Sunny days and rainy days....
Sometimes you get the bright smiling sun...and sometimes..you get a stormy weather..

Well..with my experience and skill...I am never afraid to go without a job..
to me...Angeline can take up any job any time...
as long as I have hands I can work..
as long as its a decent job...even as a cleaner..I will do...with happiness...
why????
Reason is simple...CONTENTMENT.

If you are contented..and know that you can put in your best in anything given to you...that....your need is satisfied...Guys remember what we learnt just yesterday on Sociology???? Motivation is the inner force which brings forth an action to satify your needs... (well..this is Angeline's conclusion in short.)
I love OBSW i.e Sociology..as ...there is no right and wrong...
as long as you know your points and fight for your stand...and convince the reader..
there you get your marks...so...guys...dun stress about it okie...relax and be cool..
dun stress urself...I am not saying I am surely gonna score..but...I know..I am just going to write what comes to my mind...just the way I write my blog..
only thing is how to write so fast (4pages of A4 in 40 mins)...hahaha...

alright time to sleep..nite nite..
God bless...

Angeline
p.s. waiting for God's timing...to know when is the time to go...hee...

Making a Profit out of ur Loss

Ever think that you can actually make a profit out of your Loss?

In number-wise..perhaps not..
but in theorectical aspect.........it works...

Today as I was pondering about life....
calculating my loss in "relationship" lately....
I worked up to a NET PROFIT instead....
Strangely...I discovered that my recent loss has in fact brought me profit..

How could that be...
Well...let's see.......

after "investing" all I have into what I treasured Most..
I still lost him in the end...
However, becuz of this Loss brought me more than what I lost...

In losing him...
I learnt to treasure,value and LOVE myself...
I start to live for myself...
I gain more friends...since I dun have to reserve all my time waiting for him to be free and spend it with him whenever he has some time...
I started to be independent and enjoy watching movies by myself..
I get to enjoy the most of my freedom of being single....
I have more time with family and have wonderful bond with my family now esp with the arrival of our princess...
I gain more friends....and good ones....
I have lots of wonderful classmates to study with me....
And my best friend and buddies are still very close to me...always here for me...
I have more time to study and make the best out of my life now....
and lots lots more..............

Now is my best life now...
God has indeed blessed my life....in all aspect....
Thus I actually made a huge profit out of this loss....

However, One thing I still wanna say to 'him'....
I have loved him very very much..........
Too bad that we couldn't be together forever.....
But I wish him all the best and well....and happiness....as long as he is happy..and good....

And I am grateful for having him with me...for 3 years..thot he may not always be physically here with me in Singapore over these period of time ..but he is always a line away whenever I needed him...giving me lots of encouragement, sincerity and trust...always stand by me ... I will never forget his goodness..
Thanks for giving me all the supports and motivations when I needed

Thanks for going all the way to make my life with you beautiful...

Thanks for doing things that you have never done before to make me happy...

Thanks for the little cute and sweet gifts you bought for me...

Thanks for all those funny cold jokes.....which confuse me....

Thanks for every effort made just to see that Angel gets her happiness.

Thanks for all the hugs when I needed..

Thanks for calling me when u sense I must be crying underneath my blanket again..

Thanks for the advises you gave me, helping me to see clearer ahead...

Thanks for the patient you have for me....

Thanks for watching movies with me....attending my church with me..esp when my
children choir are performing....

Thanks for always being so supportive..just the way I have been towards u as well..

Thanks is all I could say...

I appreciate all these little simple yet more precious things u have done for me.

Everything happens for a reason...

Many times it happens without us knowing why...
But I guess that's where and when Faith comes about..
I have had my happiness becuz of him during my worst period of time..
He brought smiles, laughter, anger, tears, sadness to me..and so did I...I guess that's part of what one should experience when you care and loved someone..

Trusting God that whatever happens..happens for a good reason...
probably...my dearest B-Angel has done his mission...being there for me..when I am in deep depression....and now Angel is back on her feet...this B-Angel has to move on to his 2nd Mission...

Bye B-Angel...U will always be my Angel forever..and I wish I could stay in ur heart as ur angel forever as I once was.

Take care and stay healthy and happy forever!

with luv, hugs and kisses..
Angeline

SEX AND THE CITY

Thot I wasn't feeling well so better rest at home..but I couldn't resist the temptation to watch this show "Sex and the City" since the day my classmate told me it is a nice show...

And so...after my work...I went and got myself a ticket at my favourite cinema near my place.

Its really a wonderful feeling to watch a movie by myself...Enjoying all the space I needed..and guess what...

The best central seat is always available for 'single' person like me. I kind of counted the number of seats in a row..and figure out that most people comes in pair..
so away from where I sit..there is exactly 4 seats to my left and 4 seats to my right..thus I have the BEST SEAT THE BEST VIEW IN THE ENTIRE CINEMA...COOL..MAN!!!

"Sex and the City"
Main Cast|Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, Jennifer Hudson, Lynn Cohen
Director|Michael Patrick King
Running Time|145 minutes
[Mature 18 For Persons 18 Years And Above]|Sexual Scenes

I love this show...to me...Its really nice...
Very different from what I thot it would be...
Few things I learnt from this show...

THe 'Nevers'
1) Never say never....anything could happen...
2) Never give up hope in Love (One time two time three time failure....doesn't mean forever one will fail in getting true love which will last till the end..)
-This truly speaks to me...as I am struck in the same situation..wanting to fall in love but fear to be in love again...)
3) Never stop forgiving...
4) Never stop giving yourself and others a chance
5) Never stop saying sorry..when you really mean it...till its been accepted....
6) Never say no to your courage...
7) Never stop trying
8) Never..........(You might wanna fill in the blanks after you watch it yourself)

Conclusion:
Fairytales does exist.....True love does exist.........but in another form (not as we have often thot or wanted it to be.)

True love often happens when its least expected....

One day My true love will come knocking at my door when I least expect it to be..and there...it will be 'happily ever-after' which of cuz....not really in the way we often thot Happily ever after to be...

And oh..talking about fairytales....
My sis twisted balloons to make dinosaurs which doesn't look like one to me....Oopss..Sorry...!!!!
:P
I thot that its a giraffee at first..till she told me its a dino...
then she said..she is going to untwist it and twist it till I say it looks like dino if not I cannot sleep........pooooooooooor me....
Finally..I closed one eye and say...."Uhh...okie la...its more like dinosaur now....."(hee..so that both of us can sleep..)
She has been sleeping over in my room frequently....esp when she has insomia (too stress) and her air-con broke down...

Alright time for my beauty sleep..
nite nite..

Dizzzzzzzzzzzzzy Day

Today feeling dizzy since beginning of the day..
actually sms-ed Mr SunShine Dan to watch movie with me...
then had to sms him again to tell him I am sick so can't go.

After telling my new co-worker that I am not feeling well...I took a panadol and then went into the small quiet room to rest for about an hour...
I know I can't work and needed a rest...cuz my head is spinning...
no way I can work in this state...
I think I am down with cold...

Just asked Billy...about how to chose a good cross-trainer shoes last nite..
told him that I need to work out (exercise) since I no longer takes up dancing anymore.

He replied me very late, I guess he must be busy as usual...MIA again...even from his blog...which he has not update since before my birthday...

Anyway, glad that he at least bother to reply...or haha..maybe he replied becuz I told him if he is busy then I will go ask if Dan knows instead. :P .hahaha...of cuz Billy is more experience in that aspect.

Billy gave me a list of things to look out for when choosing a good pair of track shoes
but.... funny thing is...(as usual not totally focuz on my msg) Mr Busy Billy still suggested shoes related more to dancing, despite me telling him that I have stopped dancing and wanna get back to exercise instead...
I did kind of miss his dancing class but..well..
:)

No matter what...I am very happy and grateful at least he bothers to reply and get me his valuable advise...out of his busy schedule..

Thanks Buddy..tho I know you got no time to read my blog.
God bless anyway and have a happy life...

Angel

The Beauty of Language

If given lots of time and money what is one thing u would wanna do? One thing which I would wanna do is to indulge myself learning many different languages.
Since young, I am captivated by the beauty of language.

Growing up in Singapore gives me the priviledge to be in touch with various language.
I love exploring into Mandarine, English (of cuz), Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese, Malayu or Japanese.......And lately if you can remember is Hangul (Korean).....which sad to say...have not even get my foundation right......no time.....haiz....

Among all these languages which I have explored...which is the language I loved best?
And which language do you love best?

I loved Cantonese most.........
Its a beautiful language.........the only language which sounds so musical...as if one is singing a beautiful tune.....esp pure cantonese from Hong Kong.

I often have Malays as my neighbours....(and I get along very well with Malays - Hee...I even told my mum that I wanna have a beautiful Malay style wedding at the voideck...which of cuz set my mum worrying......hee...unique wah......then I will made all my guest dress in gown and suit to attend this unique 'voideck' wedding...AH....HAHAHAHA........Angeline always have weird scary ideas...hahaha...)
and becuz my mum speak good pure Malay (she was born in Indonesia).....
My Dad looks like typical Malay.......thus I have a little features of Malay in certain aspect......thus I often got mistaken as Malay...or people will talk to me in Malay....esp my neighbours.....
I can only reply with my broken-Malayu....hahaha......
One of my ex whom I almost married few years back....(as mentioned) was a Malaysian....

Language is really beautiful................
Frankly speaking...due to my love for different language...I seriously do not mind my bf or husband to be in any race..but he must be a God-fearing Christian who loves me and God deeply....thats my only request...Money wise....I never ask my partner to be rich...if he is rich its a bonus...if not..as long as he is hardworking and smart...and can support himself...and our family in future...its good enough...I can support myself......
I am brought up in this way.....

Sorry back to where I was....
But recently.........I fell in love with another Language which I have spoken it since my school days......that is English....
Esp British English...............

If I would ever have a chance, time and money.........I wanna learn as many language as possible.................
With all these languages around.............this world has become even more beautiful...............

Cheers to the beauty of Languages.......!!!

Feeling scare......................

Ever found yourself struggling in a deep pool......which has water way above your head and the base far beneath your feet????????

I had that kind of feeling once...........more than ten years back when I took up proper swimming lesson................
i remembered that I was asked to jump into a extremely deep pool that's way above my height................
The feeling was very scary...................
All I see when I jumped into that scary deep pool was water.......water........and more water.................and me sinking........sinking...........sinking.............towards the bottom of the pool..
nothing to grap onto.............no one to hold onto me......to make sure I can get myself out of the pool............
only remember the instruction......................
lift up your head and look above............
move your hand and kick...........
soon you will find yourself getting to the top of the water and can see clearly and breath better when you reach the top........

Right now, this is how i feel.......
Recently.......I have this same feeling as if I am struggling in a deep pool........
that scary feeling...............
lonely........and as if I would die anytime..............or something bad is going happen to me...............that i would be very very hurt...............
this insecure feeling makes me feel so vex and frustrated.......
Even tho I dunno what is the cause for it.......
Its the same kind of feeling under the water............never knowing if I would ever survive and get myself up into the surface again and see the sun again.......
This feeling is soooooooooooo scary and lonely..........

I know that I should look upwards to God like in the water........lifting my head upwards so that I will so find myself out of this scary lonely uncertain state....
Lord I must lift my head and focuz onto you to gain my peace, joy and assurance again......... In you....everything shall be alright.......

Father in Heaven........I pray for concentration and focuz onto you for strength and faith............to overcome this feeling of darkness which is hovering over me right now..................Father into Thy hand..........I commit myself to you that Lord you will once again.........bring me into the Light.........the Joy..........the peace.............................
For all these I pray.............Amen!!!!

Bad Dreams..........

Recently.........I haven't been sleeping well...........

Having bad dreams could really cuz one to feel so exhausted and lack of inner peace.....

Dreams are coloured.....be it good dreams or bad ones........

After my afternoon nap..........
waking up finding myself feeling more exhausted than ever...........

I started praying for the peace within and keep me away from all these bad dreams be it in life or reality...

God let me stay happy forever....
Thank You Lord!!!

Here I share with you songs which I love to sing since my school days........
Esp the song "My Favourite Thing - Sound of Music"

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with string
These are a few of my favourite things!

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and slay bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild gees that fly with the moon en their wings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eye lashes
Silver white winters that melt into spring
These are a few of my favourite things!

When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember
my favourite things!
and then I don't feel so bad!

"repeat the whole thing"

Group study at Shaw Tower

Thanks to God and my buddies the bosses of Creation Cafe...
Today our study group gets to have a proper place to eat and study at the same time.

The bosses of Creation Cafe are my buddies...So I asked a special fav from them today..
As my group is looking for a place to do our study today on QMIM...
from last experience...we know its very hard to get a place for a group of 8 to 10 people to study and discuss today....
I turned to my friends at Creation to ask for special priviledge permission for me to bring my classmates to have our lunch and then stay on to study during Creation Cafe's break time which is from 2pm to 5pm....
Since they are my buddies...they of cuz...give me face and allow me to do so......

so I reserved a table for ten of us.............at 1pm.........
We went there to have our lunch...........
yummy...........bread, soup, italian food and drink.......all for only $11.90-$13.90..Delicious meal with very affortable price..




People who I brought there to eat before often fell in love with their food and price...hahaha..
Only thing is...u must have patient to wait...
Cuz my friend the Chef is very particular about food...
he must cook one by one to guarantee the taste is great!

If you go during dinner you must try their set dinner with this yummy brownie with ice-cream.........everyone I brought there fall in love with it......yummy...


By the way its a Christian cafe....
They used to close on sunday....as its the Lord's day...but now...just heard that they had to open on sun as well - forced by the building's Management...

After our Lunch..we started to study going thru the past year paper...
each of us explained on the questions we were allocated during last group study..
so that poor Lutfi dun have to be the only one explaining to everyone...
Today's session was great...
not disturb by anyone......
But we have to leave about 5plus when my friends at creation need to set up the dinning tables for dinner crowd..
so we proceed to nearby place where my friend told me....to continue our study..till 7.30pm..then we went separate ways...

I thank God for wonderful friends I have.....hee....
Thanks to my kind and helpful buddies at Creation..
but hey..not everyone get to ask for this type of fav okie...hee..

Anyway if you want to eat there you can visit them at Creation Cafe
100 Beach Road
#01-43 Shaw Leisure Gallery