Reading my old blog

Was suddenly curious about what I wrote in my old blog http://www.angelsketchbook.blogspot.com/ so, I popped by to browse through.

I am not sure if you feel the same or probably its just me...
I seem to get hit by different emotions while reading each post in that old blog.
Its interesting...what I could say is...yes, its filled with lots of emotions and thots...that could probably relate to people who have been through many tough time like me.

Today, my blog is more peaceful and filled with more confidence...
I guess, people grow especially after being through lots of ups and downs in life.
I am grateful for all that God has given me throughout this few years...bringing me out of the darkness, just like that way He brought the Israelites out of Egypt to the promised land.

Its really a test of faith...perserverance required!!!
Of course, God provide us through many ways.....and for me....He gave me good job, good bosses, good friends....importantly...good family that supports me when I needed certain support...even tho..there are times that I was left alone to handle the toughest time....but that makes me strong...
Last but not least, which is most important...God has NEVER GIVE UP ON ME..WHEN OTHERS DO..

So, thank God Father in Heaven for YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND NEVER FORSAKE ME!!!

I love you Jesus!!!!

New goal in life

A thot suddenly came to me...
I want to start writing a book...something like 'Angeline's life journal' or ...
Since I love writing and sharing my life with people..
(the main reason for writing blog since years ago...)
I think it time for me to start writing an e-book about my life journey..be it for the good times or for the bad times...
I believe there are many lessons of life which we can learn from each other..

That man whom I mentioned in my previous post..
he once told me..that I should write/ publish a book for all those things I shared on my blog..esp the precious lessons I learnt in life and realisation of life..with my interesting illustration of life..and the approach taken when encountering such ups and downs in my life.

Tho my pen might have gotten rusty ...but I believe practice makes perfect..
and many in the past has expressed their interest in reading my blog and even till present..whenever I shared with people whom I newly met about my little life experience...they were delighted and really appreciated my sharing.

I sincerely hope that this book which I will be working on from now will bring enlightenment to many and help people to appreciate life...living the best of their life....thru-out their journey of life...with no regrets!

After all, this is what life is about...
Everyone has a life...how to live it and appreciate it, treasure it..making your life a wonderful one...is all a matter of choice and perspective!

Cheers,
Angeline

A thundering Saturday early afternoon

The thunder is roaring furiously outside the windows….

Surprisingly, my heart is very peaceful….

My dog lily who usually cries when it rain…was sleeping so soundly…not disturbed by the roaring of the furious thunder…

Cat Timmy still roam all over the house…

Since God answered my prayed and helped me to peacefully made the decision to let go of a man I loved for 7 years….knowing that his ‘broad’ kind of love is never what I wanted from the beginning. I told him we started off with the wrong foot and nobody to blame.

Tho 7 years went by…lots of years it may seems…but I believe God has His wonderful plan..

This investment might seem wasted but when I take a step back to view what has been going on in these 7 years…my heart didn't grumble nor filled with any ill feelings…

This man had been there somehow when things didn’t turn out well for me in my work, family etc…I went to further study and became who I am right now…partially to get over him and to prove myself that I am a much better person. So what if he got someone new, has many new women going in and out of his life…He is always surrounded by women…there is no doubt…but one thing I am sure…I am much better than any of them…and no one can ever put in what I have put in over the years…not in terms of measureable material stuff…cuz he doesn’t need those…

Over these years…

As I finally finished my last semester of my degree in Marketing (3years), I have made myself a better person, one who is self-confidence…love myself and ‘proud’ of myself.

All these thanks to God my almighty Father and those who loves me dearest esp my elder brother who has been very supportive and providing me aid to get to my present status now…that is why he is the BEST brother in this world..

I love my family, my pals who has been standing by me, quietly providing me understanding and help in my life….those who did not isolate me when a team suddenly isolate me for no precise reason….but I always believe…time will prove everything…

Its been very tough 3 years of study and work in my current job…

My bosses are good and supportive..so are most colleagues..

But there are lots of stress which is not visible to others…and because of these…I fight even more furiously trying very hard to maintain good result…

I built very good relationship with people esp my customers and suppliers…who has been very supportive and close like friends…because they see my sincerity and that I treasure them. I am blessed to know many wonderful people in m life and all thanks to God, my father in Heaven, who has never leave me, forsake me, and always watching over me…

I love you Lord…and I will NEVER leave you…because You have NEVER left me…and will always be here for me..

People ask how do you know your God is real..

its easy…MY GOD LIVES….

I feel his presence in everything since the day he enters into my life..

and guess what…I think I am ready to try meeting new guys in my life…who knows..I might just get to know people to treasure and value me…love me…giving me Exclusive Love which that man in the past cannot provide me.

Gambatte!!!

Have a great cozy saturday everyone!!!

Angeline loves you!!!

Thanks for those who have been faithfully reading my blog over the years…even when I went missing for a long while…

May God bless you!!!

DOn’t forget…Jesus loves you!!!!

Ally passed away…

I am feeling very depressed because my favorite dog Ally just completed her mission on earth on Monday midnight (i.e.3/5/2011).

It got us unprepared…my sis and I broke down….when we saw her lying there breathless…eyes wide open…but no more heartbeat…

we shook her many times..calling out her name hopefully to wake her up…but useless…

I carried her up..her body is still warm but….the head no more supporting…..its really heartbreaking……

sis broke down ….went really emotional….and start talking to Ally…as if she went crazy…

I kept my tears and ask her to pull herself together…we need to face this and deal with this..even tho my heart is bleeding and hurting the most…because Ally is the closest to me..she listens to no one except to me….she is like my daughter…..I really really missed her…and because of that…I know I need to hold back my emotions and get her settle in…

We placed her in the hold plastic box to let her rest in peace…tho her eyes are still open..cuz she is not ready to leave me…and I believe she tried her best to stay alive grapping for breath…till her heart suddenly stop beating..

Till the last moment of her life, she listens to me..She left this world just the way I instructed her to rest….(I made a temporarly bed on the floor for her with pillow case and rolled with towel into a pillow for her so that can she well…cuz she has been coughing and not been able to sleep well).

Initially planned to bring her to the vet but it was long weekend vet is closed…but she couldn’t wait till the next day and left…..sob sob sob…..

I love you Ally…You did me proud…and You are the best dog ever….thanks for everything..

Thanks to God for giving her to me…Tho animal has no soul like human does…they left when their mission on earth has accomplish…and I want to give her credits for all the wonderful does she did..

BEST DOG AWARD GOES TO U ALLY!!!! U r my bestfriend who stays with me..whether I am happy, sad, angry or whatsoever…I missed your fun…cheerful….and silly face…my dear…love you always..and forever!!!

Angeline.

here is a video clip of me and Ally..

Ally going for her usual evening walk with me…

No string attached…

How often does such phrase appear to you?

In the actual fact I wonder how can string be strong enough to cause any effect..

I don’t believe in attaching strings because it will break anyway…

I believe in sincerity, whatever that comes from the heart..thats is way stronger than any string there could be on earth..heart doesn’t lie….

Many times, its the thots that caused the evil…

I believe everyone has conscience which God has input into them…but as time goes by…sins took over and people start to avoid the sound from the pure heart and turn to their lust or evil desire…this is when things go wrong…

So, lets quiet ourselves and listen to what our heart really wants to say to us…Christians..pray to God for the Holy Spirit to guide us to do what is best for us…

When we start to ignore the voice of the Holy spirit…sooner or later we will not be able to hear it anymore…sooo beware!!!

Love is an investment like stock..

Finally got to met up with Joyce last night..
After I graduate Joyce seems to be really busy with her work and was not able to meet me for a number of occasion which I asked her...tho its always last min..
I am really glad we met up last evening and spent quality time together..
managed to finally passed her the presents I bought for her last year's birthday and christmas, cuz I have been so busy with work, study, exam and shifting of house...

Frankly speaking I am feeling kind of lost now...after graduating and no more going for my class after work...rushing for assignments and exams...

I feel a little lost about what I want for my future..
More income is a definite aim..in order to start saving up...
Relationship....seems like a fairytale to me that does not exist anymore..
To me...it only exist in my favor happy ending romance korean drama and not real life.
In real life...there is not happy ending to place hope in...I guess you can say..I probably give up the belief in love already.
Love=Risk.
Its a form of investment...which requires lots of effort and all you have...putting into that basket..like buying shares....
but you will never know the returns...it might just crash anytime like stocks.

Do I wanna do such investment?
I did before (as in such investment in love), result...got myself 'burnt' and badly hurt...
I can say...I no longer have the capital for such investment anymore after the crash.

So...a question which I have been thinking..
If a man I used to love and hurt me badly before comes back to me...wanting to have the good time together again...will I accept or not..
Obviously I know if this stock burnt my hands before...if I really decided to try out this stock again...the mentality has to change...People learnt from their past experience and even if they fall...they will stand up and try again...and fall ...and try again...till they really succeed. Even if they did not achieve the result they initially wanted..that doesn't mean that they have lost the battle.

Korean show taught me important lesson:
Loser is when one face a problem, start avoiding it...and dare not face it with courage.
Its alright to lost the battle and you are not a loser because you have tried your best and you faced it with courage. Only by then will you find the essence of life, the key to success and the answer to the unknown.

I guess thats my thots right now...I wanna challenger myself to see how much I have grown and improved these 3 years..and how I can better handle the same situation again...since I have already decided and know what could be the worst result of it which was once unknown to me and caught me off guard.

Worries

Life doesn't seems to be lacking of worries...
But Bible say...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

My dogs have not been eating well...
Ally lost her appetite and refuse to eat the food given to her except unhealthy treats or the cookies which I eat...
Changed new packs of food today..hopefully this will help them to increase their appetite.

Lily has not been eating well..soo...she is getting weaker and not able to stand properly...thus cuzing sores on her legs..sigh...
really feel sad to see my lovely pets behaving such ways.... :(
God pls help them to start eating and get well... I pray!!!

Not ready...

After many years.....(at least more than 3 years)...
a familiar number appeared on my HP screen...
Who is that???

It was the Match Making Agency which I signed up many years back.
After turning them down a couple of time more than 3 years ago...they stop calling to arrange any blind date for me.

Suddenly called me...say there is a guy who is a christian and newly joined with good income and qualification wanting to meet me.
I took a loooooooooooooooooooooong pause..............

The lady asked me why...I told her..after not engaging their service for a looooooong time.....I wasn't expecting their call...and I guess I am NOT READY for such blind date at the moment. She asked me why...I say...I was very disappointed with the date they arranged for me back then....

But I guess the main reason is.....I AM NOT READY to get back into love...
But of course you could say start with friends...but who paid the agency sooo much just to find friends right???? All the blind dates has an intention to find someone they want to be their life partner..

Me????? I no longer know if I want to do that anymore tho the member fee had been paid long ago...could gone to waste if I don't go...but serious........I am terrified. You could say I have no courage....

After 3 years....striving very hard for my current achievement be it for work or study...of course with the help of God and my family....not forgetting many people supporting me quietly...

My entire concentrate is just work, study, exams and my family (with my brother's family). Relationship to me is now but fairytales....with NO HAPpy ENding...
Its not something like work or study when you put in the effort you will get good results....All I remember and can recall about relationship is just hurt....and tears..sweetness is just no long lasting...

Hmm...thinking about it....I seem to have very strong reaction whenever someone comes to tell me they wanna introduce a guy to me...Not sure how to describe this feeling....maybe...it feels like hitting myself against an iceberge infront of me..
cold...and exhausted...waste of energy and effort.

I told the lady I am not ready....I need time to consider...
She asked when can she call me again...I told her maybe next month.

Current thot???
Relationship seems tooo unreal to me...

Finally coming to the end of the chapter..

Finally...3 years has come to an end...
A very tough 3 years ...thot the end will only be completed this Friday after the presentation of our Final Year Exam Project.

Looking back of these 3 tough years...A sentence I could use to sum up all these years is "If not for God's grace and providence..its impossible for me to pull through.."

Throughout these 3 years... my prayers has been but one "Lord help me to pass and if You are willing..help me to get good results to glorify not name..not mine!"
The day when I graduate...is that day I want to give all the glory to You Lord Almighty.

Because in these 3 years..I have been through the toughest time, almostly seemingly impossible for most people to pull thru if they are in my situation.
And I know very well...if not that God is with me and guide me through providing me with all I need to focuz, understand, and perseverance..nothing of these can be achieved.

I might not be a 'A' scorer..but definitely...I have put in my very best. That's what I can say. I believe the result is in God's hand.

These 3 years are filled with lots of memories..good and bad...happy and sad...bitness and sweetness..
Finally this chapter of my life is coming to an end...while the next chapter of my life is beginning..

Looking at what I presently have...I can only say..."Thank You Lord for everything!" I am blessed with good family members esp my elder brother who has helped me alot throughout my advancement in life..I am blessed with good job...good bosses tho as predicted..no good things will stay forever...people change..I had been very troubled lately by someone in my company, knowingly or unknowingly using her 'pregnancy' as a weapon to gain favor at her side..trying to snatch my present status in the company and my boss trust towards me..in another words..trying to play office politic and climb over me..
But I have nothing to fear..because....I believe Truth will set us free..
Everyone has a choice and responsibility for the choice they made..
If bosses chose to listen to her and continue to side her..
Its probably time for me to proceed on to a better ground.
I have no fear because God bless me with many things such as my faith in the Lord, Salvation, good family, good working experience background, good educational background and many more.

Men may plan their path ahead but its God that lead us to the better place..for we who are the children of God.
I prayed and wept today...asking God to help me to forgive that woman..and those who did me wrong..because only if we forgive others then will God forgive us of our sins. Just as the Lord's prayer said.."forgive us of our sins...just as we forgive our debtors" Bible also said..before we pray..we need to forgive those who we refused or are unable to forgive, then will Lord hears our prayer.."

Whatever the future may be...I will take step by step patiently as the Lord guides me. Now that I have forgiven those people...Not by my own power or might..but by the guiding and power of the Holy spirit...I can now be released from my biterness.
Whatever the future of next chapter maybe...I know I will be fine and even better..because..God is always there with and for me.

Thank you Lord Almighty!
I thank you for chosing me as Your children..for Your Salvation...Your Providence and Everything!

Conclusion: No matter how great men is..they are but made of dust! Its by God's grace, love and blessing..that Men gets their true value.
Recent Japan earthquake and tsunami makes me ponder again about life..
No matter how weather and success a person maybe...
If it is not God's grace...no men will be spare nor escape all these tragedy..
Once tsunami comes...it wipes out even all the fortune of the wealthiest man..and even takes away the life..
No matter how wealthy or successful one maybe..if earthquake or tsunami strikes..even if we live...everything will be wiped out...we will all go back to zero..

Life is fragile...soo...live each day with thanksgiving...and appreciate all we have..because we will never know..what is going to happen the next sec.
But one thing I know...I am saved in Jesus Christ.
Whatever maybe...God has prepared a place in eternal happiness, ie. Heaven for me.
Are you saved? Are you ready...when the hour comes?
Believe in Jesus, confess your sins, know that you are sinners, forgive those who are against you and did you wrong, just as God has forgiven us..Ask God for the power to forgive them, then ask God, our Lord Jesus Christ to forgive us of our sins..and cleanse us from all our unrighteousness..and that we can become children of God and enter into heaven who Lord Jesus Christ has prepared for us when the time is here.

Jesus loves you!
The world richest person is one who has the Lord in his/her life.
No riches can be greater than internal riches...
内心的富足才是真正的富足！

My first reading spec

 

Believe it or not…its time to put on my first reading specs.

Even though many couldn’t tell my actual age, no one seems to believe that I am above 30..of age..People were astonished when I told them I am above 35years old…you can see the way they drop their jaw….Even though it is so…..but undeniable my ‘perfect’ eye sight has show signs of aging…knees seems to get weaken as well…

I have problems now looking at small wordings…and guess what….I tot it was because I was unwell that wordings seems blurry to me…but to my surprise just now…when I put on my first read spec…the words or text on my mobile phone seems unbelievably clear and sharp……I am shocked and surprised….to realised the actual state of my present eye sight..

Many thought that reading glasses is only needed at the age of 50s but in fact I learnt from many that people with prefect and good eye sight will tend to put on reading glasses earlier..usually after the age of 35…

Will this cause me to be more sensitive towards aging? I guess probably when I hit the Big ‘4’ then I would probably become more sensitive towards Age..

The secret of staying young is to stay young at heart..everyone reacts according to their perception of their age…

I am never sensitive to numbers and I always stays happy…thus..this is my secret of having a younger look…but of course gene plays an important role as well…my mum doesn’t look like her age at look as well……she look appx…ten years younger than her actual age…so similarly I got that from her….

Dressing and behave plays another important role……as well…if you think that you are an aunty or uncle and start to dress and behave like one…then ..of course you will be….

So….stay happy and positive…and you will stay young even if the body or eye sight start to age….