Life is like a book...
Each chapter of a book bring forth a brand new topic...
But what exactly triggers the development of next chapter in the book or our life?
I knew that good things never stay forever ... Thus each time when I feel blessed... I feel happy yet fearful... Thus I learnt to enjoy every moment of it because I know one day it might be gone...
I remember my 3 wonderful years in my current working place... In fact when our lecturer asked .. Who love their job??? I was the only one who raise my hand... Because back then... I was appreciated.. Trusted... Respected and valued by my bosses... Thus I do not mind to give in all I hv to make their business grow..
However good things doesn't stay long... Things started to change last year.... After I agreed to go for the Canada trip... It was a bad idea to hv agreed to go for that trip tho seriously I was not at fault... Too bad... When one does good .. That credit doesn't stay for long... But when one make just a mistake... All blame is then pushed to that person to make him or her drown...
In each story there bound to hv some or at least one bad character.. And in this case... We all suffered because of that evil doer... Who tell tales ... Bad stab and poison people... Creating chaos. I pray that God will bring judgement upon her... As revenge is in the hands of God... One day.. Those who drink her poison will wake up finding out that it is too late....
The evil doer will also taste the fruit of her evil roots her planted... Tho she laugh and say... Where is God?? She doesn't believe in judgement day.. How sad this is... Beware!!! God my Father in Heaven is Righteous..He watches from above ... He sees our hearts.. And He will not let the evil one go... Till he pays the last penny.. The day will come where we will stand infront of the Judgement throne and answer for all the actions we do and thots in us.
Repent before its too late!!! Confess your sins you evil one.. For God is the righteous God... He will not let the evil one go unpunished... But God is love.. He will forgive you if you truly repent and confess your sin ... Ask God for forgiveness now...
I pity and feel really sad for those whose eyes are blind by greed..
For me.. I know God is always here for me and He will give me what is best for me.. Thus even if what once deems to be my happiness has been taken away... I know God will give me something better!
I am blessed because I have our Lord Jesus Christ as my Father in Heaven.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Giving Glory to God
Finally this moment has arrived...
After striving hard for 3 years.....giving my best and relying on God to make what seems impossible to become possible...
These 3 years have been very very tough for me....
While trying to balance and juggle putting in my best effort in both work and study..
I faced..situations in work..in school..in life....
Just to name some moments which I can never forget...
1) was a victim of a mishap at the beginning of my 1st exam during my 1st year 1st semester..
2) having to deal with trade shows and presentation to BIG CLIENT on the day of my exam
3) having to deal with shifting of my old house and renovating my new house in the mist of my exam...
4) abandon by my team mate when I needed them the most and isolation by them when I faced the mishap and trying to get up on my feet again..
These are the toughest and heartbreaking times I had during these 3 years.
But thank God, our Lord Jesus was there with me when I was abandon by others. He provided me with comfort, strength, knowledge, focus, health, wisdom and all I need to pull through these times..
Each time when I feel weak and cannot do it anymore...I tell myself...NO I CAN DO IT BECAUSE GOD IS WITH ME..HE HAS INSTALLED THIS FOR ME AND FOR SURE HE WILL PULL ME THRU AND GLORIFY HIS NAME.
Indeed..this day has come...
Received my result for my completion of my HONS DEGREE.
Not only did I complete my degree course with an Honours degree but I have gotten the 2nd Upper Class Hons Degree which is my aim.
I must say, without God this is not possible..Its Jesus Christ our Lord that gives me all that I need ..not only to survive thru 3 tough years but also to do so well and to Glorify His Name.
1st Class Hons is never in my goal because that will require me to achieve 'A's for all modules and I don't belong to those TOP A STUDENTS.
Thus 2nd Upper Hons is the best which I hope to achieve.
Today is the day I want to give all the Glory to God the Highest, our Lord Almighty, Our Gracious and Loving Father in Heaven. Jesus is my provider and my true friend.
He is always there with me. Again without God none of these is possible.
Thank you Lord Jesus for everything!
At this moment, I want to give all the GLORY AND THANKSGIVING TO YOU.
Here is a Hymn to praise HIM:
To God be the Glory great things He has done
So love He the world that He gave us His Son...
I would also like to give thanks to God for the wonderful family members, fellow classmates, teammates, bosses and friends I have, providing me with prayers, support and understanding in these 3 years. Tho I might have been abandon by 'some' but also because of this, I found true loving friends. Thanks Buddies for believing in me and supporting me, trusting in me even when doubts araise. Last but not least, I believe time is the best proof to what what truth and what is not. As long as we know we did no wrong, God is with us, and God is truth, thus truth will also bring us the justice in due time.
Just trust and Obey the Lord never to lost Faith in God and goodness.
Here is an abstract from one of which I consider my mentor. He is a COE yet a very very humble man. This mentor of mine has always been very supportive and positive, giving me lots of encouragement all the time. He is one of my positive force.
Abstract:
"That's really outstanding News, congratulations from my deepest Heart!!! You can be very, very proud for this fantastic accomplishment. Don't forget you worked hard and studied in parallel,......wonderfull!!! Never lose faith in God is absolutely the right attitude!!"
Thanks to you my wonderful mentor :)
After striving hard for 3 years.....giving my best and relying on God to make what seems impossible to become possible...
These 3 years have been very very tough for me....
While trying to balance and juggle putting in my best effort in both work and study..
I faced..situations in work..in school..in life....
Just to name some moments which I can never forget...
1) was a victim of a mishap at the beginning of my 1st exam during my 1st year 1st semester..
2) having to deal with trade shows and presentation to BIG CLIENT on the day of my exam
3) having to deal with shifting of my old house and renovating my new house in the mist of my exam...
4) abandon by my team mate when I needed them the most and isolation by them when I faced the mishap and trying to get up on my feet again..
These are the toughest and heartbreaking times I had during these 3 years.
But thank God, our Lord Jesus was there with me when I was abandon by others. He provided me with comfort, strength, knowledge, focus, health, wisdom and all I need to pull through these times..
Each time when I feel weak and cannot do it anymore...I tell myself...NO I CAN DO IT BECAUSE GOD IS WITH ME..HE HAS INSTALLED THIS FOR ME AND FOR SURE HE WILL PULL ME THRU AND GLORIFY HIS NAME.
Indeed..this day has come...
Received my result for my completion of my HONS DEGREE.
Not only did I complete my degree course with an Honours degree but I have gotten the 2nd Upper Class Hons Degree which is my aim.
I must say, without God this is not possible..Its Jesus Christ our Lord that gives me all that I need ..not only to survive thru 3 tough years but also to do so well and to Glorify His Name.
1st Class Hons is never in my goal because that will require me to achieve 'A's for all modules and I don't belong to those TOP A STUDENTS.
Thus 2nd Upper Hons is the best which I hope to achieve.
Today is the day I want to give all the Glory to God the Highest, our Lord Almighty, Our Gracious and Loving Father in Heaven. Jesus is my provider and my true friend.
He is always there with me. Again without God none of these is possible.
Thank you Lord Jesus for everything!
At this moment, I want to give all the GLORY AND THANKSGIVING TO YOU.
Here is a Hymn to praise HIM:
To God be the Glory great things He has done
So love He the world that He gave us His Son...
I would also like to give thanks to God for the wonderful family members, fellow classmates, teammates, bosses and friends I have, providing me with prayers, support and understanding in these 3 years. Tho I might have been abandon by 'some' but also because of this, I found true loving friends. Thanks Buddies for believing in me and supporting me, trusting in me even when doubts araise. Last but not least, I believe time is the best proof to what what truth and what is not. As long as we know we did no wrong, God is with us, and God is truth, thus truth will also bring us the justice in due time.
Just trust and Obey the Lord never to lost Faith in God and goodness.
Here is an abstract from one of which I consider my mentor. He is a COE yet a very very humble man. This mentor of mine has always been very supportive and positive, giving me lots of encouragement all the time. He is one of my positive force.
Abstract:
"That's really outstanding News, congratulations from my deepest Heart!!! You can be very, very proud for this fantastic accomplishment. Don't forget you worked hard and studied in parallel,......wonderfull!!! Never lose faith in God is absolutely the right attitude!!"
Thanks to you my wonderful mentor :)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Reading my old blog
Was suddenly curious about what I wrote in my old blog http://www.angelsketchbook.blogspot.com/ so, I popped by to browse through.
I am not sure if you feel the same or probably its just me...
I seem to get hit by different emotions while reading each post in that old blog.
Its interesting...what I could say is...yes, its filled with lots of emotions and thots...that could probably relate to people who have been through many tough time like me.
Today, my blog is more peaceful and filled with more confidence...
I guess, people grow especially after being through lots of ups and downs in life.
I am grateful for all that God has given me throughout this few years...bringing me out of the darkness, just like that way He brought the Israelites out of Egypt to the promised land.
Its really a test of faith...perserverance required!!!
Of course, God provide us through many ways.....and for me....He gave me good job, good bosses, good friends....importantly...good family that supports me when I needed certain support...even tho..there are times that I was left alone to handle the toughest time....but that makes me strong...
Last but not least, which is most important...God has NEVER GIVE UP ON ME..WHEN OTHERS DO..
So, thank God Father in Heaven for YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND NEVER FORSAKE ME!!!
I love you Jesus!!!!
I am not sure if you feel the same or probably its just me...
I seem to get hit by different emotions while reading each post in that old blog.
Its interesting...what I could say is...yes, its filled with lots of emotions and thots...that could probably relate to people who have been through many tough time like me.
Today, my blog is more peaceful and filled with more confidence...
I guess, people grow especially after being through lots of ups and downs in life.
I am grateful for all that God has given me throughout this few years...bringing me out of the darkness, just like that way He brought the Israelites out of Egypt to the promised land.
Its really a test of faith...perserverance required!!!
Of course, God provide us through many ways.....and for me....He gave me good job, good bosses, good friends....importantly...good family that supports me when I needed certain support...even tho..there are times that I was left alone to handle the toughest time....but that makes me strong...
Last but not least, which is most important...God has NEVER GIVE UP ON ME..WHEN OTHERS DO..
So, thank God Father in Heaven for YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND NEVER FORSAKE ME!!!
I love you Jesus!!!!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
New goal in life
A thot suddenly came to me...
I want to start writing a book...something like 'Angeline's life journal' or ...
Since I love writing and sharing my life with people..
(the main reason for writing blog since years ago...)
I think it time for me to start writing an e-book about my life journey..be it for the good times or for the bad times...
I believe there are many lessons of life which we can learn from each other..
That man whom I mentioned in my previous post..
he once told me..that I should write/ publish a book for all those things I shared on my blog..esp the precious lessons I learnt in life and realisation of life..with my interesting illustration of life..and the approach taken when encountering such ups and downs in my life.
Tho my pen might have gotten rusty ...but I believe practice makes perfect..
and many in the past has expressed their interest in reading my blog and even till present..whenever I shared with people whom I newly met about my little life experience...they were delighted and really appreciated my sharing.
I sincerely hope that this book which I will be working on from now will bring enlightenment to many and help people to appreciate life...living the best of their life....thru-out their journey of life...with no regrets!
After all, this is what life is about...
Everyone has a life...how to live it and appreciate it, treasure it..making your life a wonderful one...is all a matter of choice and perspective!
Cheers,
Angeline
I want to start writing a book...something like 'Angeline's life journal' or ...
Since I love writing and sharing my life with people..
(the main reason for writing blog since years ago...)
I think it time for me to start writing an e-book about my life journey..be it for the good times or for the bad times...
I believe there are many lessons of life which we can learn from each other..
That man whom I mentioned in my previous post..
he once told me..that I should write/ publish a book for all those things I shared on my blog..esp the precious lessons I learnt in life and realisation of life..with my interesting illustration of life..and the approach taken when encountering such ups and downs in my life.
Tho my pen might have gotten rusty ...but I believe practice makes perfect..
and many in the past has expressed their interest in reading my blog and even till present..whenever I shared with people whom I newly met about my little life experience...they were delighted and really appreciated my sharing.
I sincerely hope that this book which I will be working on from now will bring enlightenment to many and help people to appreciate life...living the best of their life....thru-out their journey of life...with no regrets!
After all, this is what life is about...
Everyone has a life...how to live it and appreciate it, treasure it..making your life a wonderful one...is all a matter of choice and perspective!
Cheers,
Angeline
A thundering Saturday early afternoon
The thunder is roaring furiously outside the windows….
Surprisingly, my heart is very peaceful….
My dog lily who usually cries when it rain…was sleeping so soundly…not disturbed by the roaring of the furious thunder…
Cat Timmy still roam all over the house…
Since God answered my prayed and helped me to peacefully made the decision to let go of a man I loved for 7 years….knowing that his ‘broad’ kind of love is never what I wanted from the beginning. I told him we started off with the wrong foot and nobody to blame.
Tho 7 years went by…lots of years it may seems…but I believe God has His wonderful plan..
This investment might seem wasted but when I take a step back to view what has been going on in these 7 years…my heart didn't grumble nor filled with any ill feelings…
This man had been there somehow when things didn’t turn out well for me in my work, family etc…I went to further study and became who I am right now…partially to get over him and to prove myself that I am a much better person. So what if he got someone new, has many new women going in and out of his life…He is always surrounded by women…there is no doubt…but one thing I am sure…I am much better than any of them…and no one can ever put in what I have put in over the years…not in terms of measureable material stuff…cuz he doesn’t need those…
Over these years…
As I finally finished my last semester of my degree in Marketing (3years), I have made myself a better person, one who is self-confidence…love myself and ‘proud’ of myself.
All these thanks to God my almighty Father and those who loves me dearest esp my elder brother who has been very supportive and providing me aid to get to my present status now…that is why he is the BEST brother in this world..
I love my family, my pals who has been standing by me, quietly providing me understanding and help in my life….those who did not isolate me when a team suddenly isolate me for no precise reason….but I always believe…time will prove everything…
Its been very tough 3 years of study and work in my current job…
My bosses are good and supportive..so are most colleagues..
But there are lots of stress which is not visible to others…and because of these…I fight even more furiously trying very hard to maintain good result…
I built very good relationship with people esp my customers and suppliers…who has been very supportive and close like friends…because they see my sincerity and that I treasure them. I am blessed to know many wonderful people in m life and all thanks to God, my father in Heaven, who has never leave me, forsake me, and always watching over me…
I love you Lord…and I will NEVER leave you…because You have NEVER left me…and will always be here for me..
People ask how do you know your God is real..
its easy…MY GOD LIVES….
I feel his presence in everything since the day he enters into my life..
and guess what…I think I am ready to try meeting new guys in my life…who knows..I might just get to know people to treasure and value me…love me…giving me Exclusive Love which that man in the past cannot provide me.
Gambatte!!!
Have a great cozy saturday everyone!!!
Angeline loves you!!!
Thanks for those who have been faithfully reading my blog over the years…even when I went missing for a long while…
May God bless you!!!
DOn’t forget…Jesus loves you!!!!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Ally passed away…
I am feeling very depressed because my favorite dog Ally just completed her mission on earth on Monday midnight (i.e.3/5/2011).
It got us unprepared…my sis and I broke down….when we saw her lying there breathless…eyes wide open…but no more heartbeat…
we shook her many times..calling out her name hopefully to wake her up…but useless…
I carried her up..her body is still warm but….the head no more supporting…..its really heartbreaking……
sis broke down ….went really emotional….and start talking to Ally…as if she went crazy…
I kept my tears and ask her to pull herself together…we need to face this and deal with this..even tho my heart is bleeding and hurting the most…because Ally is the closest to me..she listens to no one except to me….she is like my daughter…..I really really missed her…and because of that…I know I need to hold back my emotions and get her settle in…
We placed her in the hold plastic box to let her rest in peace…tho her eyes are still open..cuz she is not ready to leave me…and I believe she tried her best to stay alive grapping for breath…till her heart suddenly stop beating..
Till the last moment of her life, she listens to me..She left this world just the way I instructed her to rest….(I made a temporarly bed on the floor for her with pillow case and rolled with towel into a pillow for her so that can she well…cuz she has been coughing and not been able to sleep well).
Initially planned to bring her to the vet but it was long weekend vet is closed…but she couldn’t wait till the next day and left…..sob sob sob…..
I love you Ally…You did me proud…and You are the best dog ever….thanks for everything..
Thanks to God for giving her to me…Tho animal has no soul like human does…they left when their mission on earth has accomplish…and I want to give her credits for all the wonderful does she did..
BEST DOG AWARD GOES TO U ALLY!!!! U r my bestfriend who stays with me..whether I am happy, sad, angry or whatsoever…I missed your fun…cheerful….and silly face…my dear…love you always..and forever!!!
Angeline.
here is a video clip of me and Ally..
Ally going for her usual evening walk with me…
No string attached…
How often does such phrase appear to you?
In the actual fact I wonder how can string be strong enough to cause any effect..
I don’t believe in attaching strings because it will break anyway…
I believe in sincerity, whatever that comes from the heart..thats is way stronger than any string there could be on earth..heart doesn’t lie….
Many times, its the thots that caused the evil…
I believe everyone has conscience which God has input into them…but as time goes by…sins took over and people start to avoid the sound from the pure heart and turn to their lust or evil desire…this is when things go wrong…
So, lets quiet ourselves and listen to what our heart really wants to say to us…Christians..pray to God for the Holy Spirit to guide us to do what is best for us…
When we start to ignore the voice of the Holy spirit…sooner or later we will not be able to hear it anymore…sooo beware!!!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Love is an investment like stock..
Finally got to met up with Joyce last night..
After I graduate Joyce seems to be really busy with her work and was not able to meet me for a number of occasion which I asked her...tho its always last min..
I am really glad we met up last evening and spent quality time together..
managed to finally passed her the presents I bought for her last year's birthday and christmas, cuz I have been so busy with work, study, exam and shifting of house...
Frankly speaking I am feeling kind of lost now...after graduating and no more going for my class after work...rushing for assignments and exams...
I feel a little lost about what I want for my future..
More income is a definite aim..in order to start saving up...
Relationship....seems like a fairytale to me that does not exist anymore..
To me...it only exist in my favor happy ending romance korean drama and not real life.
In real life...there is not happy ending to place hope in...I guess you can say..I probably give up the belief in love already.
Love=Risk.
Its a form of investment...which requires lots of effort and all you have...putting into that basket..like buying shares....
but you will never know the returns...it might just crash anytime like stocks.
Do I wanna do such investment?
I did before (as in such investment in love), result...got myself 'burnt' and badly hurt...
I can say...I no longer have the capital for such investment anymore after the crash.
So...a question which I have been thinking..
If a man I used to love and hurt me badly before comes back to me...wanting to have the good time together again...will I accept or not..
Obviously I know if this stock burnt my hands before...if I really decided to try out this stock again...the mentality has to change...People learnt from their past experience and even if they fall...they will stand up and try again...and fall ...and try again...till they really succeed. Even if they did not achieve the result they initially wanted..that doesn't mean that they have lost the battle.
Korean show taught me important lesson:
Loser is when one face a problem, start avoiding it...and dare not face it with courage.
Its alright to lost the battle and you are not a loser because you have tried your best and you faced it with courage. Only by then will you find the essence of life, the key to success and the answer to the unknown.
I guess thats my thots right now...I wanna challenger myself to see how much I have grown and improved these 3 years..and how I can better handle the same situation again...since I have already decided and know what could be the worst result of it which was once unknown to me and caught me off guard.
After I graduate Joyce seems to be really busy with her work and was not able to meet me for a number of occasion which I asked her...tho its always last min..
I am really glad we met up last evening and spent quality time together..
managed to finally passed her the presents I bought for her last year's birthday and christmas, cuz I have been so busy with work, study, exam and shifting of house...
Frankly speaking I am feeling kind of lost now...after graduating and no more going for my class after work...rushing for assignments and exams...
I feel a little lost about what I want for my future..
More income is a definite aim..in order to start saving up...
Relationship....seems like a fairytale to me that does not exist anymore..
To me...it only exist in my favor happy ending romance korean drama and not real life.
In real life...there is not happy ending to place hope in...I guess you can say..I probably give up the belief in love already.
Love=Risk.
Its a form of investment...which requires lots of effort and all you have...putting into that basket..like buying shares....
but you will never know the returns...it might just crash anytime like stocks.
Do I wanna do such investment?
I did before (as in such investment in love), result...got myself 'burnt' and badly hurt...
I can say...I no longer have the capital for such investment anymore after the crash.
So...a question which I have been thinking..
If a man I used to love and hurt me badly before comes back to me...wanting to have the good time together again...will I accept or not..
Obviously I know if this stock burnt my hands before...if I really decided to try out this stock again...the mentality has to change...People learnt from their past experience and even if they fall...they will stand up and try again...and fall ...and try again...till they really succeed. Even if they did not achieve the result they initially wanted..that doesn't mean that they have lost the battle.
Korean show taught me important lesson:
Loser is when one face a problem, start avoiding it...and dare not face it with courage.
Its alright to lost the battle and you are not a loser because you have tried your best and you faced it with courage. Only by then will you find the essence of life, the key to success and the answer to the unknown.
I guess thats my thots right now...I wanna challenger myself to see how much I have grown and improved these 3 years..and how I can better handle the same situation again...since I have already decided and know what could be the worst result of it which was once unknown to me and caught me off guard.
Worries
Life doesn't seems to be lacking of worries...
But Bible say...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
My dogs have not been eating well...
Ally lost her appetite and refuse to eat the food given to her except unhealthy treats or the cookies which I eat...
Changed new packs of food today..hopefully this will help them to increase their appetite.
Lily has not been eating well..soo...she is getting weaker and not able to stand properly...thus cuzing sores on her legs..sigh...
really feel sad to see my lovely pets behaving such ways.... :(
God pls help them to start eating and get well... I pray!!!
But Bible say...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
My dogs have not been eating well...
Ally lost her appetite and refuse to eat the food given to her except unhealthy treats or the cookies which I eat...
Changed new packs of food today..hopefully this will help them to increase their appetite.
Lily has not been eating well..soo...she is getting weaker and not able to stand properly...thus cuzing sores on her legs..sigh...
really feel sad to see my lovely pets behaving such ways.... :(
God pls help them to start eating and get well... I pray!!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Not ready...
After many years.....(at least more than 3 years)...
a familiar number appeared on my HP screen...
Who is that???
It was the Match Making Agency which I signed up many years back.
After turning them down a couple of time more than 3 years ago...they stop calling to arrange any blind date for me.
Suddenly called me...say there is a guy who is a christian and newly joined with good income and qualification wanting to meet me.
I took a loooooooooooooooooooooong pause..............
The lady asked me why...I told her..after not engaging their service for a looooooong time.....I wasn't expecting their call...and I guess I am NOT READY for such blind date at the moment. She asked me why...I say...I was very disappointed with the date they arranged for me back then....
But I guess the main reason is.....I AM NOT READY to get back into love...
But of course you could say start with friends...but who paid the agency sooo much just to find friends right???? All the blind dates has an intention to find someone they want to be their life partner..
Me????? I no longer know if I want to do that anymore tho the member fee had been paid long ago...could gone to waste if I don't go...but serious........I am terrified. You could say I have no courage....
After 3 years....striving very hard for my current achievement be it for work or study...of course with the help of God and my family....not forgetting many people supporting me quietly...
My entire concentrate is just work, study, exams and my family (with my brother's family). Relationship to me is now but fairytales....with NO HAPpy ENding...
Its not something like work or study when you put in the effort you will get good results....All I remember and can recall about relationship is just hurt....and tears..sweetness is just no long lasting...
Hmm...thinking about it....I seem to have very strong reaction whenever someone comes to tell me they wanna introduce a guy to me...Not sure how to describe this feeling....maybe...it feels like hitting myself against an iceberge infront of me..
cold...and exhausted...waste of energy and effort.
I told the lady I am not ready....I need time to consider...
She asked when can she call me again...I told her maybe next month.
Current thot???
Relationship seems tooo unreal to me...
a familiar number appeared on my HP screen...
Who is that???
It was the Match Making Agency which I signed up many years back.
After turning them down a couple of time more than 3 years ago...they stop calling to arrange any blind date for me.
Suddenly called me...say there is a guy who is a christian and newly joined with good income and qualification wanting to meet me.
I took a loooooooooooooooooooooong pause..............
The lady asked me why...I told her..after not engaging their service for a looooooong time.....I wasn't expecting their call...and I guess I am NOT READY for such blind date at the moment. She asked me why...I say...I was very disappointed with the date they arranged for me back then....
But I guess the main reason is.....I AM NOT READY to get back into love...
But of course you could say start with friends...but who paid the agency sooo much just to find friends right???? All the blind dates has an intention to find someone they want to be their life partner..
Me????? I no longer know if I want to do that anymore tho the member fee had been paid long ago...could gone to waste if I don't go...but serious........I am terrified. You could say I have no courage....
After 3 years....striving very hard for my current achievement be it for work or study...of course with the help of God and my family....not forgetting many people supporting me quietly...
My entire concentrate is just work, study, exams and my family (with my brother's family). Relationship to me is now but fairytales....with NO HAPpy ENding...
Its not something like work or study when you put in the effort you will get good results....All I remember and can recall about relationship is just hurt....and tears..sweetness is just no long lasting...
Hmm...thinking about it....I seem to have very strong reaction whenever someone comes to tell me they wanna introduce a guy to me...Not sure how to describe this feeling....maybe...it feels like hitting myself against an iceberge infront of me..
cold...and exhausted...waste of energy and effort.
I told the lady I am not ready....I need time to consider...
She asked when can she call me again...I told her maybe next month.
Current thot???
Relationship seems tooo unreal to me...
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