Love is an investment like stock..

Finally got to met up with Joyce last night..
After I graduate Joyce seems to be really busy with her work and was not able to meet me for a number of occasion which I asked her...tho its always last min..
I am really glad we met up last evening and spent quality time together..
managed to finally passed her the presents I bought for her last year's birthday and christmas, cuz I have been so busy with work, study, exam and shifting of house...

Frankly speaking I am feeling kind of lost now...after graduating and no more going for my class after work...rushing for assignments and exams...

I feel a little lost about what I want for my future..
More income is a definite aim..in order to start saving up...
Relationship....seems like a fairytale to me that does not exist anymore..
To me...it only exist in my favor happy ending romance korean drama and not real life.
In real life...there is not happy ending to place hope in...I guess you can say..I probably give up the belief in love already.
Love=Risk.
Its a form of investment...which requires lots of effort and all you have...putting into that basket..like buying shares....
but you will never know the returns...it might just crash anytime like stocks.

Do I wanna do such investment?
I did before (as in such investment in love), result...got myself 'burnt' and badly hurt...
I can say...I no longer have the capital for such investment anymore after the crash.

So...a question which I have been thinking..
If a man I used to love and hurt me badly before comes back to me...wanting to have the good time together again...will I accept or not..
Obviously I know if this stock burnt my hands before...if I really decided to try out this stock again...the mentality has to change...People learnt from their past experience and even if they fall...they will stand up and try again...and fall ...and try again...till they really succeed. Even if they did not achieve the result they initially wanted..that doesn't mean that they have lost the battle.

Korean show taught me important lesson:
Loser is when one face a problem, start avoiding it...and dare not face it with courage.
Its alright to lost the battle and you are not a loser because you have tried your best and you faced it with courage. Only by then will you find the essence of life, the key to success and the answer to the unknown.

I guess thats my thots right now...I wanna challenger myself to see how much I have grown and improved these 3 years..and how I can better handle the same situation again...since I have already decided and know what could be the worst result of it which was once unknown to me and caught me off guard.

Worries

Life doesn't seems to be lacking of worries...
But Bible say...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

My dogs have not been eating well...
Ally lost her appetite and refuse to eat the food given to her except unhealthy treats or the cookies which I eat...
Changed new packs of food today..hopefully this will help them to increase their appetite.

Lily has not been eating well..soo...she is getting weaker and not able to stand properly...thus cuzing sores on her legs..sigh...
really feel sad to see my lovely pets behaving such ways.... :(
God pls help them to start eating and get well... I pray!!!

Not ready...

After many years.....(at least more than 3 years)...
a familiar number appeared on my HP screen...
Who is that???

It was the Match Making Agency which I signed up many years back.
After turning them down a couple of time more than 3 years ago...they stop calling to arrange any blind date for me.

Suddenly called me...say there is a guy who is a christian and newly joined with good income and qualification wanting to meet me.
I took a loooooooooooooooooooooong pause..............

The lady asked me why...I told her..after not engaging their service for a looooooong time.....I wasn't expecting their call...and I guess I am NOT READY for such blind date at the moment. She asked me why...I say...I was very disappointed with the date they arranged for me back then....

But I guess the main reason is.....I AM NOT READY to get back into love...
But of course you could say start with friends...but who paid the agency sooo much just to find friends right???? All the blind dates has an intention to find someone they want to be their life partner..

Me????? I no longer know if I want to do that anymore tho the member fee had been paid long ago...could gone to waste if I don't go...but serious........I am terrified. You could say I have no courage....

After 3 years....striving very hard for my current achievement be it for work or study...of course with the help of God and my family....not forgetting many people supporting me quietly...

My entire concentrate is just work, study, exams and my family (with my brother's family). Relationship to me is now but fairytales....with NO HAPpy ENding...
Its not something like work or study when you put in the effort you will get good results....All I remember and can recall about relationship is just hurt....and tears..sweetness is just no long lasting...

Hmm...thinking about it....I seem to have very strong reaction whenever someone comes to tell me they wanna introduce a guy to me...Not sure how to describe this feeling....maybe...it feels like hitting myself against an iceberge infront of me..
cold...and exhausted...waste of energy and effort.

I told the lady I am not ready....I need time to consider...
She asked when can she call me again...I told her maybe next month.

Current thot???
Relationship seems tooo unreal to me...